how this came to be
Something i havent shared yet about how all of this came to be just popped into my awareness. When i moved into the monastery i didnt register with the municipality, nor did i try to get welfare. Why? Well first of all, i wanted to leave that life behind. Been living of welfare for 24 years, and tho it granted me the opportunity to develop myself in my own tempo, there was never really that push, that urge to change, that kick in the ass we sometimes need to get things done, or going. Sure there were plenty of gentle nudges, but those were like musquito bites, they itch at first, but if you dont touch or scratch em, and just ignore them, it will just go away, on its own.
But that was not the main reason why i didnt register, and was therefor unable to get welfare anyways. I didnt register because we were told to wait until the contract was finalized. We were waiting for the broker, and they were waiting for the municipality. The broker needed a permit, for us to stay there, while we were already staying there. They were sure they were going to get it, so it was just a matter of time.
One of us couldnt wait that long. He was out of money, had also been living of welfare (due to a burn-out) and took the ballz to just go up to them and explained the situation. At first his application was denied, because he couldnt show them a legal rental contract. The temporary contract we had, needed a license and registration number, so later i found out this was what we were all waiting for. But because i sometimes am too shy, insecure, laid back, or one could argue too damn lazy, i was just waiting this one out, see what happens, as i did most of the times, unless i felt action was needed, then action was taken, immediately. Later i started to discuss or talk things thru with my fellow inhabitants, before springing into action.
Because of Tobias his perseverance (and dire need, most likely) the people from municipality agreed to come and have a look at the monastery, to determine whether he was actually living there, and the conclusion was YES, so he got his welfare. This should have been my cue to take action, but as always, i took my fair time to let it simmer first before taking any action at all. Roald was pushing me to take no action, as he, like me, does not particularly like the Dutch government, or any government. He dictates having to do as little as possible with government, caretakers or any other form of control. Ofcourse i could have just ignored him, but i didnt choose this experimental community to simply go back to my old life just in a different location.
And thats where it all began. Looking back now, i see how foolish, naieve, clueless or just plain dumb i was NOT to get welfare WHILE i was working on my New Life. That would have made things soooooo much easier. But no, instead i chose the radical and die-hard approach Roald was preaching (and teaching, and still is) as getting welfare was kinda like admitting defeat. By the time i realized that this wasnt going to work, it was too late. I had left the monastery, came back months later, tried to get welfare, but municipality found out i was no longer living IN the monastery.
I must add that i was completely baffled by Marcelle's decision. The very same day i had cut all lines with my previous life in Capelle, that evening she announced that only 9 of the original 30 could stay, the rest had until the end of September to find some place elsewhere. And yeah, of course this was bullshit. The contract, even tho temporary, clearly stated 3 months notice. And this was what we agreed upon, and was one of the main reasons why i said yes when we signed that contract. I was completely new to all of this, had never done such a thing, never took such a leap of faith. So maybe i did put too much faith in Marcelle. Maybe i'm still clinging on to my victimhood.
Nevertheless, this is how it all started and felt like sharing with you. Not to point fingers or put blame on anyone, not even me. I just did what felt right, at that time. As i've done pretty much all my life. Whether this feeling was based on fear, or on sheer intuition, thats just something i'm still learning. Its one of the many things you can learn here on Earth. Responsibility, trust, faith, and discernment. I doubt any of these things are as important as some people tell them to be, but there is relevance, to this story, the story i am living, the story called life, my life.
But that was not the main reason why i didnt register, and was therefor unable to get welfare anyways. I didnt register because we were told to wait until the contract was finalized. We were waiting for the broker, and they were waiting for the municipality. The broker needed a permit, for us to stay there, while we were already staying there. They were sure they were going to get it, so it was just a matter of time.
One of us couldnt wait that long. He was out of money, had also been living of welfare (due to a burn-out) and took the ballz to just go up to them and explained the situation. At first his application was denied, because he couldnt show them a legal rental contract. The temporary contract we had, needed a license and registration number, so later i found out this was what we were all waiting for. But because i sometimes am too shy, insecure, laid back, or one could argue too damn lazy, i was just waiting this one out, see what happens, as i did most of the times, unless i felt action was needed, then action was taken, immediately. Later i started to discuss or talk things thru with my fellow inhabitants, before springing into action.
Because of Tobias his perseverance (and dire need, most likely) the people from municipality agreed to come and have a look at the monastery, to determine whether he was actually living there, and the conclusion was YES, so he got his welfare. This should have been my cue to take action, but as always, i took my fair time to let it simmer first before taking any action at all. Roald was pushing me to take no action, as he, like me, does not particularly like the Dutch government, or any government. He dictates having to do as little as possible with government, caretakers or any other form of control. Ofcourse i could have just ignored him, but i didnt choose this experimental community to simply go back to my old life just in a different location.
And thats where it all began. Looking back now, i see how foolish, naieve, clueless or just plain dumb i was NOT to get welfare WHILE i was working on my New Life. That would have made things soooooo much easier. But no, instead i chose the radical and die-hard approach Roald was preaching (and teaching, and still is) as getting welfare was kinda like admitting defeat. By the time i realized that this wasnt going to work, it was too late. I had left the monastery, came back months later, tried to get welfare, but municipality found out i was no longer living IN the monastery.
I must add that i was completely baffled by Marcelle's decision. The very same day i had cut all lines with my previous life in Capelle, that evening she announced that only 9 of the original 30 could stay, the rest had until the end of September to find some place elsewhere. And yeah, of course this was bullshit. The contract, even tho temporary, clearly stated 3 months notice. And this was what we agreed upon, and was one of the main reasons why i said yes when we signed that contract. I was completely new to all of this, had never done such a thing, never took such a leap of faith. So maybe i did put too much faith in Marcelle. Maybe i'm still clinging on to my victimhood.
Nevertheless, this is how it all started and felt like sharing with you. Not to point fingers or put blame on anyone, not even me. I just did what felt right, at that time. As i've done pretty much all my life. Whether this feeling was based on fear, or on sheer intuition, thats just something i'm still learning. Its one of the many things you can learn here on Earth. Responsibility, trust, faith, and discernment. I doubt any of these things are as important as some people tell them to be, but there is relevance, to this story, the story i am living, the story called life, my life.
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