what do i really want?
With so many lifetimes experienced, so many talents developed, its hard for me to focus on just one thing. So many opportunities, so much to choose from. Its like the candy lane in the supermarket; its all bad, but so tasty! So tempting! And as with most decisions, you only get to choose once. There's no return. Like right now i'm homeless because a year ago i decided to go live with a group of Bentinho freaks. We were promised something that didnt hold up. Had i known that, i might not have made that choice. And i say might because i do still see a lot of potential in whats happening right now. It might all be for the better. All of this might jumpstart me in the direction i had been wanting for years.
We live such protected, guarded, imprisoned lives. We feel safe, but i felt trapped, mostly. I still do. No money means no freedom, at least not in my current view. I do wish i could see that differently and in theory i can. Law of attraction, manifestation, being the divine creator, and all that crap. It did become way more tangible after 2 Baarlo retreats and almost 2 years of study. But i'm not much of a practical student, more like learning by trial and error, going with the flow and sometimes swim stream upwards to get closer to source. Not always the easiest way. It takes a lot of time and effort. And patience! Aaargh, i wish it was all already now, here, right here, and not in some distant and vague future, which doesnt even exist.
And thats the thing ive been pondering about for a couple of years: are these teachings true? So many spiritual people pointing in the same direction, but what if theyre wrong. Slowly i see science catching up, and thats when it becomes reality, in this world, so it seems. Before that its just a lot of fluffy unicorn ladida, hocus pocus, hogwash. A lot of belief! And my current situation is either a reflection of what i truly believe, still a lot of bad karma that i'm releasing and working my way through, or i'm still bullshitting myself, trying to understand the mind from within the mind, with the mind, which is like a paradox in a loop, repeating the same illusion over and over and over and over and over. And over, until i get so fed up with it that i either commit suicide or finally start following my impulses, my intuition, led by my higher self, which i'm already doing, or so i think.
Its so foggy, its so difficult, so complex. The mind trying to make sense out of all of this, the heart opening up but still being overrules by logic time and time again, and all this old programming running in the background. Its just too much too handle! So from time to time i call in for help, i ask my team: hey come on guys, cut me some slack, throw me a bone, relax a little up there will ya, i'm doing the best i can.
So ive decided its soon time for a huge breakthrough. This thing i'm going through, this phase. I'm about done. I dont want this to last another month. I need a break, or better yet, a solution. So how does this solution look, what does it look like?
I want a house overlooking the beach, looking out at the sea or ocean, with dunes or nature as my backyard. Surrounded by tiny houses, or maybe a beach hotel, with rooms for guests, friends and family to stay short and long term. I want electric cars like Tesla-S to travel around the country, pick up people from the airport, go sight seeing, meet other communities, meetings, workshops, etc. More in land i want properties where we have set up pilots like eco-villages, tiny-houses villages, Central Living 2.0 all based on sustainable living with permaculture, solar energy and water-recycling or other experiments. There are already several institutions, unions, associations and communities working on or like this, but they all still seem to be scattered all over the place. GEN is a good example of what i want: ONE NETWORK, but not just eco based, or community based, or spiritual. It has to connect all of the other key players as well. So many rich mother fuckers in this world who waste it on shitty ideas like Palm Islands while we could make this whole world a better place.
I do realize that there's a plan for this planet, an agreement, a goal. As a spacedweller you could see this planet, this experience as a horrifying ride at the carnival. FUN! And once its over you wanna go again. But while youre here, its a living hell, and you want out a.s.a.p, back home, to the light whence you came
We live such protected, guarded, imprisoned lives. We feel safe, but i felt trapped, mostly. I still do. No money means no freedom, at least not in my current view. I do wish i could see that differently and in theory i can. Law of attraction, manifestation, being the divine creator, and all that crap. It did become way more tangible after 2 Baarlo retreats and almost 2 years of study. But i'm not much of a practical student, more like learning by trial and error, going with the flow and sometimes swim stream upwards to get closer to source. Not always the easiest way. It takes a lot of time and effort. And patience! Aaargh, i wish it was all already now, here, right here, and not in some distant and vague future, which doesnt even exist.
And thats the thing ive been pondering about for a couple of years: are these teachings true? So many spiritual people pointing in the same direction, but what if theyre wrong. Slowly i see science catching up, and thats when it becomes reality, in this world, so it seems. Before that its just a lot of fluffy unicorn ladida, hocus pocus, hogwash. A lot of belief! And my current situation is either a reflection of what i truly believe, still a lot of bad karma that i'm releasing and working my way through, or i'm still bullshitting myself, trying to understand the mind from within the mind, with the mind, which is like a paradox in a loop, repeating the same illusion over and over and over and over and over. And over, until i get so fed up with it that i either commit suicide or finally start following my impulses, my intuition, led by my higher self, which i'm already doing, or so i think.
Its so foggy, its so difficult, so complex. The mind trying to make sense out of all of this, the heart opening up but still being overrules by logic time and time again, and all this old programming running in the background. Its just too much too handle! So from time to time i call in for help, i ask my team: hey come on guys, cut me some slack, throw me a bone, relax a little up there will ya, i'm doing the best i can.
So ive decided its soon time for a huge breakthrough. This thing i'm going through, this phase. I'm about done. I dont want this to last another month. I need a break, or better yet, a solution. So how does this solution look, what does it look like?
I want a house overlooking the beach, looking out at the sea or ocean, with dunes or nature as my backyard. Surrounded by tiny houses, or maybe a beach hotel, with rooms for guests, friends and family to stay short and long term. I want electric cars like Tesla-S to travel around the country, pick up people from the airport, go sight seeing, meet other communities, meetings, workshops, etc. More in land i want properties where we have set up pilots like eco-villages, tiny-houses villages, Central Living 2.0 all based on sustainable living with permaculture, solar energy and water-recycling or other experiments. There are already several institutions, unions, associations and communities working on or like this, but they all still seem to be scattered all over the place. GEN is a good example of what i want: ONE NETWORK, but not just eco based, or community based, or spiritual. It has to connect all of the other key players as well. So many rich mother fuckers in this world who waste it on shitty ideas like Palm Islands while we could make this whole world a better place.
I do realize that there's a plan for this planet, an agreement, a goal. As a spacedweller you could see this planet, this experience as a horrifying ride at the carnival. FUN! And once its over you wanna go again. But while youre here, its a living hell, and you want out a.s.a.p, back home, to the light whence you came
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